My Problematic Savior (Part 1)

I'm starting to have the sneaking suspicion that God is less dignified than me. 

I re-read the story of the Prodigal Son, and for the first time I realized the enormity of how improper God is. What does He think He is doing? He simply throws a royal robe on over the mud and calls it good. Frankly, I would prefer a good bathing and some alone time before announcing the supposed "change" in someone's life. I don't understand what He's on about. 

And His treatment of the son! I understand why He allowed me in "as-is" (after all, I am well aware of all the growth potential I had) but he takes this lush back and brings Him to a party. If you ask me, He should have let the son work with some manure for a few days. He should have made that boy work, and here He is trusting that He has enough to give all to this lush AGAIN. It's too ridiculous for words.

I should have seen this coming. God according to Isaiah and Jeremiah is not just a grand and glorious spirit. Oh no, he's a jealous lover, going so low as to compare his metaphorical genitals to the metaphorical genitals of Baal. He chooses the most unsavory characters, and half his good people end up screwing up royally or dead, and HE KEEPS THEM. I think He should have fired some of them much sooner, if you ask me. I mean, He even has a totally uncredited role in Esther. He's God, for land's sake! Why on earth, if He's so special, doesn't he show up more? He has this horrid habit of taking human beings at their word and then covering all of their mistakes, as if trying means anything in the real world. 

Of course, Christ is no better. For one, he allowed himself to die a Roman death. That means He was hanging there butt-naked (no matter what the movies show) and covered in blood. He ignored His perfect legal arguments and just stayed quiet. He hung out with money-grubbers who lined their own pockets and prostitutes and let women use their hard-earned money to fund His campaign. If He had wanted to be taken seriously, He should have had a bigger budget than "whatever housewives can provide." No, that's not His style. He doesn't teach foresight; He feeds people for free, just whenever. He's willing to heal anyone with a "please" in front of their request; heck, He'll do miracles right next to healing-pool businesses and in the wake of damaged property. He simply won't do. I require a much more image-minded God, one who knows that we are in public. 

Or, just maybe, what I call dignity is my shame disguised as propriety, my picturesque God is made of idolatry, and this idol I've made is destined to be smashed over and over by this utterly shameless God as He runs to embrace emaciated me.